It’s 10 in the morning and I’m sitting in my chair trying to write this post, feeling physically overwhelmed and wrung-out… but settled emotionally. Yesterday I celebrated my 36th Wedding Anniversary and I had a wonderful night out with my husband, just enjoying being together. Our marriage has been a challenging one at times but honestly, after all the things we’ve been through, we both were saying that we couldn’t imagine our lives without the other one right there beside us. Truly God has been good to us as we’ve had the privilege of serving in the ministry these past 36 years together.
This week, I was able to take care of my newest granddaughter, Hudsyn. Her cleft palate makes it challenging for her to eat enough to gain weight properly so all day was focused on feeding her and watching her closely to make sure her airway didn’t get compromised. It was a lot of work, to be sure, but honestly it was a joy to be able to spend time with her like that. We will be taking care of her regularly every week and I’m already looking forward to having the opportunity to love on her again. Because my other three adorable grandchildren spent their early growing-up years out of state and I didn’t get to see them that often in person, I realize what an honor it is to be able to watch my sweet, now 11 week-old Hudsyn grow up in front of my eyes like this.
In addition to being the web master for our FBC website, I’ve also been learning how to use Adobe Audition to create radio programs featuring my pastor-husband’s sermon messages over the past 6 weeks and that has taken a lot of hours out of my days as well. But I’ve really been enjoying learning how to manipulate audio tracks like this; it’s been a whole lot of fun and I love being a part of the ministry of the Word of God through Fellowship Bible Church.
So, I’ve been busy these past 3 months and internally, I’ve been contented and grateful to be able to do what I’m doing. My chronic pain and other health challenges make it hard for me to get out of the house and many times, makes even the simplest of tasks very difficult. But the hardest of all realities for me to deal with is the fact that I must be very careful to balance rest with activities so I don’t cause my body to go into a full symptom relapse where I’m unable to get out of bed until my body can recover enough for me to be up and around at home again.
In the end, the reality I face is: even when I try my best to not do more than my body can handle, whenever I spend energy doing anything, I pay a price afterward… the price of having my pain and other symptoms go crazy, making me feel like I have a bad case of the flu, or worse. And with everything I’ve had going on these past few weeks, today I’m definitely not feeling good at all.
On days like today It’s very easy for me to give in to my physical symptoms and begin to feel sorry for myself. How many times in the past have I said to God, “Why can’t I do the things I know are good and meaningful without having to always pay the price afterward… why does everything have to be so hard?” Can’t you just hear the whine in my voice when I say that? Yeah, me too.
But this morning God was good to remind me again of the psalmist’s words in Psalm 61:2-4: “From the end of the earth I call to You, when my heart is faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever; let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings.”
So, on days like today when I feel overwhelmed, instead of indulging in a selfish pity party, I choose instead to trust, to rest, to depend on the good heart of God to get me through whatever happens and to give me the strength to do what He has called me to do.
Are you feeling overwhelmed by the circumstances you’re facing today? Then, like the psalmist, choose to look to the only One who completely understands what you’re going through and Who desires to walk through it with you… and that’s Jesus.
Feeling overwhelmed can actually be good, as long as we allow it to drive us to the feet of Jesus.